I don’t know how to say this and have you not freak out at me completely, so here it goes. I’m not happy in our relationship as it stands right now. I know you aren’t either. I think we could be very happy together, but right now there are a lot of things standing in the way of that. Between my inability to grow up or follow through, and your discouraging nature nothing has changed in the last few years despite best intentions to keep every promise made. I know much of the blame can fall onto my shoulders, but I don’t feel I’m the only cause of our problems. I remember a time, long ago were there was actually happiness in this partnership. Before I forced myself into a more vocal, outgoing skin things were good. You were the voice, and I was the silent support network. But as peer pressure grew so did my stupidity and desire to fit in. To be cool. With this came a jerk. An ass hole that swallowed my kind-hearted, shy little Virgo and buried it in this Leo haunted by a wounded pride and a bruised ego.
I don’t really know what brought about this change, or why I allowed it to fill me so completely, but I did. And I will never forget the shame I feel for letting it happen. I am not going to pretend there weren’t times I appreciated the boldness of the Leo inside me, but there was a lot to be said about the silent, observant girl I once was. I know it’s hard to believe now, but at one time I was the living definition of Virgo. And I loved it. I was a helpful person. I was an honourable, thoughtful person. And I miss that as much as you do. All I know now is that when Nicole came into my life a lot of things changed; for the worst. Now that she’s gone. Now that all those factors that contributed to my shift in personality are gone I will find the girl I once was. I will remind myself why I loved myself. Why I fell for you. Why you were so attracted to me.
Five years is a long time for a person to change, but now that I’ve done it, it can only get easier from here. I know it will still be a lot of work, and maybe you aren’t prepared to wait for me to finish it this time, but by the fire in my soul I swear to you it will happen before I die, or I live a fiendish life beyond this one. I know you deserve far better than me, but if you can find it in you, somewhere to see past my faults and really see me I think this can be a beautiful relationship. I don’t deserve another chance. I’ve blown it so many times already, but just this last time I know I can fix my problems. Because I actually see them now. And this time I’m not of a mind that you are forcing this on me unwillingly. I’m of the mind that I am doing this for me, as much as you. For our future, and my own should we fall our separate ways. You always were the smart one, I just can’t believe how long it took me to really see the deepest roots of the issue.
