Narcissism

Its time I finally get this out and come clear about what I have been putting my girlfriend through for a good majority of our relationship. For nearly three years now I have been inflicting a great amount of emotional abuse upon her with no real reasoning. As an abuser I did what most do, I denied it every time. I made excuses for my behaviour and I promised I would change. I would never do it again. But somehow I have always landed back in the same role. She has been more than generous about giving me chance after chance to fix the problems, but I always get worse. Sometimes it gets as bad as me threatening my own life. Other times it is as simple as a display of serious narcissism when she is the one who is upset. It was made so clear to me that there was a serious problem a couple days ago.

She was mad at me for the usual stuff and I did the usual promise to get better, to treat her right, and when she asked how I was going to treat her better I froze up completely. I didn’t know how to treat her right. I don’t know how to treat people well. In that instant it felt like the whole world was crashing down on me. All these years of telling her I love her and I can’t even think of how to treat her with the dignity, and caring that she truly disserves.

Look at this... Count the times I say “I” or “me”... 15. And the rest has been all about me anyway.

At the beginning she was everything. I literally worshipped her. That’s all she has ever wanted. So why can’t I give it to her? She calls me names and stuff, but only because I treat her horribly. She smacks me around a little, but for the same reasons. So what is my problem?