My head

This is getting really hard for me, but I'm sick of bottling it up and blaming everything on the little things. Yeah; there are a lot of things in life that really bug me. That really get my goat, you know? But none of that really matters when it gets down to the real problems. The real problems aren't my parents, aren't my siblings, aren't the stresses of everyday life, or work, or any of those surface things.

The real problems are the deep things. My haunting; repeating dreams; of death, genocide and murder. I dream about becoming male at will. I don't know what to do about it. I wished I could finally remember my dreams, and now the only ones I remember are about horrible things. I have a recurring dream about my entire family being murdered except me. I Then again I also dream about being able to alter my gender at will. This is causing huge confusion for me. I keep having thoughts about whether or not I'm transgendered, or not. If I'm going to go through some huge transition of some sort.

These are of course only a couple of the things that torment me, but they are things that are causing a huge inner conflict right now.

And on top of that I'm worried about problems with my girlfriend. There always seems to be something wrong with me. Its really beginning to get to me. I know what to do. I know how to do it. There's just something standing in my way. I don't know what it is, but I guess I'll have to figure it out some how.